so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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