my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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