I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
