Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
