Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
