I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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