Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
