somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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