You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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