Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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