dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We need a shit load of segways right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
