I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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