she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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