Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
