Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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