turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
