I just pynch a tree in the face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
