if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
