Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
