sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
