New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
