what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
