the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
