weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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