she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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