You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
