I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize