Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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