ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sobbing to NWA
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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