I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
