woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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