I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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