Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
