wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
