You made me cry and you don't even care
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
