what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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