You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
