hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
