I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
