I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
