I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
