What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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