I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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