This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
