My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
