its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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