Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
