I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
