If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
