I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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