The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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