the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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