The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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