i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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