Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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