The best revenge is premature balding
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
