I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So apparently I’m into choking now
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