TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
