i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
