What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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